A year ago, I was worrying about what I’d be doing today. I was worried that my life would feel meaningless and I’d not be able to pay my bills. I worried that I’d be unhappy.
None of that came true. I live a life that I feel like is making a difference in people’s lives. I’m doing better than I’ve ever done financially (living at home kind of helps with that) and I’m actually pretty happy.
A year ago, I was worrying.
Today, I’m worrying about next year. Where will I go? What will I be doing? Will I still be living here? Will I be able to pay my student loans if I move?
Worrying. Worrying. Worrying.
When does it end? Then, I start thinking about next year and what will happen when changes start taking place. I worry about next year and how I’ll start worrying about the next year and the next and the next until I’ve worried my life away.
There are so many things to worry about. And still, I forget that God says “do not worry” because He actually kind of cares for me.
Why am I worrying? I just want it to stop. I want to believe what He says. I want to enjoy this journey, no matter how dark the path ahead looks because of my lack of control.
Trust me. Trust me.
God keeps reminding me of this, but it’s so difficult to follow, I wonder if anyone can.
Maybe ending the worrying streak doesn’t happen all at once; maybe it takes small steps of faith, choosing in a moment to say “no” to the anxiety. I’m going to try saying “no” a lot more. At least for this moment.