The Unqualified Queen

Right when I think I’m so sure about what I’m going to do for the rest of my life, life kicks in. Funny how that works.

This week, I started my job with a missions organization called Cru. Basically, I’ll be going to a college campus and sharing the Gospel with students. Right now, I’m only part-time staff, but I cannot help wonder where I’m going to be next year. I have a year to figure it out, but I’m already stressing. Yeah, I know, I’m writing a blog post about the future stressing me out. Original.

You signed up for this.

I know I want to write books/screenplays, but the problem is, I love more than just writing. What do I do when there are millions of slaves in the world and I want to help them? What do I do when people don’t know Jesus and I have a voice to tell them about Him? There are so many jobs in the world and I want to do them all.

Today, I told my friend that my dream job would be Christine Caine’s job. Christine Caine is a traveling evangelist and founder of The A21 campaign, an organization that helps victims of human trafficking.

Seriously though. Give me her job. Can I get a master’s in “traveling the world preaching the Gospel, writing books, and social activism?” No? Bummer.

The thing is, amazing Godly women like Christine Caine didn’t get in their positions overnight. They were faithful in the small and then God gave them larger roles.

I’m not saying joining Cru is small or even a stepping stone into something bigger. In matter of fact, this is an important job, which is why I’m already freaking out about it. I don’t know what the heck I’m doing. This was not part of my plan for my life. I was supposed to move to LA and be in the film industry. Obviously, something went awry.

I was thinking about this the other day and God couldn’t help but remind me of Queen Esther in the Bible.

Esther grew up an orphan, not knowing what was going to happen to her. Maybe she just wanted to be a mom. Maybe she had a simple plan for herself. One day, something unexpected happened and she was chosen to be Queen. 10 bucks says she wondered, “What am I doing here?” She must have been confused as to why God chose her to be in a role she was highly unqualified for. She didn’t go to finishing schools or grow up in a royal family. She was just a normal girl who lived under the radar.

Already, I feel completely unqualified to be sharing the Gospel with Cru. I am not the most social creature and seem to stumble on my words all the time. I don’t know what I’m doing here. I am greatly out of my comfort zone. But, I know God has led me to this position for some reason beyond my knowing.

God put Queen Esther in a royal position to save the jews. Maybe I’ll save a few people too.


What do you think?