“Go back?” he thought. “No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!” – The Hobbit
It’s been over a year since I graduated college, but it feels much sooner. I guess that’s what happens when you continue to work at your University after you graduate.
But, if you didn’t already know, I left that job in May. Now, I’m sort of just . . . here.
The past couple of months since leaving the job that took 4 years of my life have been very stretching. For the first time in my life, I don’t have a multitude of friends around me to process life with. I don’t have to work towards graduation or towards finishing my contract. I don’t have *cough* a boy *cough* to occupy my mind with.
For the first time in my life, I feel very much on my own.
Everytime I open Facebook, there is another announcement about someone getting married, engaged, having a baby, etc. As a single girl with absolutely no prospects and no children, it shouldn’t be surprising for you to hear that it can feel isolating. Not to say that married couples and I have nothing in common. But, it can feel isolating when my relationship status is all people want to talk about. And I know nothing about babies. I’m scared to even carry babies. WHAT DO I SAY TO THEM?! Or people who are married? What do I say?
Anyways, as you might have figured from my narrative, I am pretty much on my own here.
Being on your own really gives you a lot of time to think. Too much time to think. A whole heck of a lot of time to think. Thinking usually involves over thinking which involves freaking out.
Though the freedom I have right now is wonderful, it can also be overwhelming. Where is my life going? What am I going to do now that I’m not in school, now that I’m not at my old job? What’s next?
As I was telling a friend of mine this, something came out of my mouth I couldn’t believe. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks, right?
I told her, “It’s like I have nothing anymore. Everything I once held onto is lost. I’m letting go of the old to bring in the new. It’s like God is making all things new.”
The instant I said it, I knew it was right. When we are emptied of ourselves and are letting go of things we’ve held onto, God can start to make things new.
But how can new things come if we hold onto the old so tightly? How can healing come when we are holding onto bitterness and unforgiveness? How can we do new things if we never step out of our comfort zones, if we only ever repeat the same patterns everyday?
It makes sense.
Out with the old, in with the new.
And I think that’s what God is doing with me.
Personally, this past year has been about sacrifice. I’ve sacrificed so much to get to where I am — which is a place with an open heart and an open mind. I’ve sacrificed the comfort of my old job with Cru to explore new options. I’ve sacrificed the comfort of living in Las Cruces with my friends to navigate the world. I’ve sacrificed plans so I can come to a place of freedom instead of acting like a control freak about the future.
I’ve sacrificed a lot of old dreams, old habits, and old hobbies to let the new come in.
But the new is scary, isn’t it? It’s certainly uncomfortable. It’s scary because it’s unknown and involves change. It stretches us and burns down bridges. It heals and restores.
I don’t know why I’m telling all of you this, but maybe you’re like me and need to stop freaking out about your life because God is doing something NEW. Maybe you and I need to stop holding onto what we’ve known and start preparing for change.
We need to stop staying still. We need to stop looking backwards, and follow the advice of a Hobbit who once said, “Go forward? Only thing to do!”